Where the hell I've been

Sup, internet?
We meet again.
I'm still in CT, now I live in a more central location to go anywhere in CT or even NYC. I'm basically just chiseling away playing as many places I can and writing/recording as much as I can. This journey gets rough sometimes, though. I just finished a new EP, called "Alabaster." It's five songs. It pretty much ranges from Acoustic/Indie Pop to Electronic. That's why I called it Alabaster. It's a compound mineral, and I feel like the EP has at least two genres creating some kind of strange album. Plus, Alabaster just sounds cool, more intimidating than it should. Anyway, it's here: CLICK IT, FOOL!
I recommend trying the track "Zombieland," if you like more acoustic pop stuff, "Dirty Business," if you like Electropop, and "Good Enough," if you like some more electric guitar driven stuff. You can download it for free, if you want, or donate something.
            So, I should probably go into why I wrote it, I guess. 2012, parts of it, for me was INDEED the end of the world. I went through some struggles I never thought possible to get rid of. For a vast part of 2012, I was crippled by some awful negativity. I pretty much forgot how to live in every aspect of the word. Putting myself down 24/7, worrying about irrational things, putting others down in my head, probably because of my own negative feelings towards myself, yada yada yada. I would get these glimpses of lucidity every now and then, feel positive for like a week, and find a new way to fuck up. I think it was really October 2 that might have been an ACTUAL turning point. I don't know what it was, but I finally decided to actually put the work in. I was SO bitter towards everything about having nothing. It's easy to see in hindsight, but bitterness and pettiness gets you know where but lost in your head without a map to get out, and a lot less friends. If you're my close friend you know I've struggled with my music career. You know that I have worked so so hard on making music and writing. The reactions I have from people are usually among the caliber of "I could hear you on the radio, etc," and that turned me against the world. I have been working so hard for at least 6 years on this, with no following. Almost none. Well, I WALLOWED in self pity for so long. Just thinking that the world must be so cruel if I haven't gone anywhere.
LET ME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.
           The reason wasn't because the world was against me at all, it was because I was against myself. I just haven't done the legwork, the networking, and done the work to get the exposure I wanted. So I reacted poorly, just thought "it's never going to happen, poor me," kind of had this hatred toward the world and myself. I won't go into detail about how I took this out, but I reached out so I could turn myself around. I've been doing just that. I still have some bad days and struggle, but on the whole it's WORLDS better. If you're reading this and you have helped me, I thank you.
         To be honest, it's ironic because I obviously noticed I was the problem and wanted to turn around but, I thought there was no one there for me supporting what I was doing, when in reality, it was the few people I did have that kept me going. I have some close friends and close fans that really helped me when I was in that bind. Now I feel I am on the right path, and just need the occaisonal smack in the face to keep me in line. The one huge thought that always keeps me going is this:

Where there's a will there's a way. Whenever I have greatly willed to do something, I have done it.
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Been a while

It's weird.
I don't ever post here, I guess I just write and write and write and never blog blog blog. e-blog has the same letters as globe, sweet. I guess I'll just type of some of the songs I've been writing?
keep in mind these are LYRICS, not POEMS sooooooo they're a little out of context.
QUICK UPDATE on my life:
I finally graduated my undergraduate with a BS in Sound Recording Technology/Music and a minor in Mathematics. YES, finally. Now I no longer always have homework eating at my insides. Fortunately, I got a full-time job at the place I was interning for a while, Telefunken Elektroakustic. I make microphones ^-^, www.t-funk.com . This job is everything I could have asked for. Using my brains, using my hands, being inspired by great music and people every day. I could go into so many details on why I love this job but it's perfect. I work from 830-5 every weekday and the commute is 40 miles each way. PRO: I get to keep living in a house with my friends with a studio and freedom to kingdom come. CON: ehh nothing really. PRO: Dream job. CON: .... still nothing. Hahaha, I'm having a good time.
I'll leave you with lyrics to about 3 songs/potential songs.
:D

"Space and Objects"

We're all catching objects
in through our periphery
We're all waking up to different lives
Sometimes objects take us
in and out of misery
Either way I need the space even if it makes me scared

were all understanding
the best of our ability
taking off and landing

hold my arm through progress
shut me up  when I'm hopeless
say to me thankfully
you woke up from your sleep

find a line that you can walk across
to your next designation
take the time don't think that its lost
afford procrastination
force yourself to walk across the line
increased respiration
find your body moving on it's own

hold my arm through progress
shut me up  when I'm hopeless
say to me, thankfully
you finally woke up from your sleep

for the last six weeks
it's been difficult
but I'm still here
it will take some time to walk
through this space, these objects
abused.

TBD

There's an error on the line, I think i figured it out
it's years of overcoming some irrational doubt
the silence in the morning gives me glimpses of hope
SO I'll stay there, if you'll let me

theres a million different ways I've built a world for myself
and a billion different risk taking I've made for health
but it stays light, as I go out

I'd be lying if I say I didn't hate it that much
so I bide my time and tell my fearful brain to hush
every time i turn my shoulder I'm in less of a rush
so it stays light, as I go out


for the last time
I'm thinking this over to myself
like the last time
drop my sorrow and move on to something else

I'm finding different meaning in the novels I wrote
collective imitations of real anecdotes
I find me in the ocean looking up at my boat
and it's capsized, it's capsized

what a dire situation, such a terrible mode
come over tribulations and then learn to float
find this way of living and you don't need a code
it will stay light, when you go out

if I let a little light in I'm aware of the truth
you can find yourself enjoying everything that you do
the apathetic notion really starts to fade when you see it, you'll see it

for the last time
I'm thinking this over to myself
like the last time
drop my sorrow and move on to something else

there's an error on the line i think you'll figure it out
and replace the years of seemingly irrational doubt
suffering and sorrow's not what life's about
not forever

filled with terror push your mind to the original state
when you didn't have to worry, and you can create
the most glorious imperfection that you might underrate
you find a light inside of your hands, feet, and face


"Thunderstorm"
it's not time we left but merely time we moved on, it's only one of us that feels this way
and I know it seems so crazy for you to take this but listen up I've barely even spoke 

fall all day
sink all night
break this pattern with me, I'll try
yes i think i'll give it one more time

its not the things we find but space around them, that draws us closer to ourselves
you might ask, whats the point if we don't get somewhere? when you don't know the place you wanna be
so spend your time in isolation and keep on thinking you're the different one
till you see the sky's the answer,  accepting it and willingly move on

fall all day
sink all night
pattern broken, there's no try
all it took for me was one more time

I'm so done with compulsive thinking, the chains that keep me tethered to my form
all this time I swore they're out to get me, when really, I caused this thunderstorm
i've learned to be
the clarity that comes after










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Improv

All I do is write improv,
I let it flow, and I don't really change anything after, so it might be rough around the edges. Everything I post on here is just freeflowing.

Choose to lose

What path follows what choice?
is it straight math or my voice?
I choose and lose so please excuse
my self-committed, sorry blues.

Turning back time with replays in your mind
only delays your progression through life
instead of reflecting, try respecting
the way the wind decides to blow

fate, fate, fate or free will,
I follow one yet get stuck still,
my mind is one mischievous windmill,
round in circles, up then down the hill.

I could compare to Greek mythology,
but that still wont fix what bothers me.
another victim of the butterfly.
analysis of life run dry.

I think I thought I felt you leaving,
when it was just me, my thoughts were fleeting,
in your head this worlds deceiving,
hard to believe we're not the demons.
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strangers

To all of whom I've never met,
our missed acquaintance, I regret
it does not mean that I'll forget

to wear a suit of white and red
a single drop of blood I bled
white now mixed in red instead

undo my apathetic tone
i blame my stubborn silent phone
the absence makes me feel alone

if only I had clearly shown
explain the facts to you unknown
it would've happened on it's own

we could have had surprising sparks
situation now runs dark
i am absent, i am no part

the words I wrote reside above
do not speak of death or love
just what I am dreaming of

nothing's over nothing's set
in stone you know I won't forget
the path I chose I do regret
to all of whom I've never met
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dwelling on the future

There are so many different kinds of people in the world. I think that's implied. Some make you angry, some make you happy, some make you depressed, and a few really shine. You end up searching for truth within a bunch of lies that are merely just subjective interpretations of something containing a constantly ignored core truth. I digress. There's no point in even pondering existentialism. Always wanting something better causes you to only concentrate on the future, which is arguably worse than dwelling on the past. With the capability to make the choice to think about past, present, or future, there must be some of all varieties. Unfortunately, lately I have become a shelter for the future. Pre-Reminiscence if you will, preposterous. Laughable yet baffled at life stifling my rotting thoughts. I feel like a boulder at the bottom of a hill. Wouldn't it be so great to be at the top of the hill. Yeah, I'll just dream about the top of the hill. Well, nothing from the sky is going to get me up there. Legwork.
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one

I'm not afraid to express myself, so why not do it publicly on the internet? On here, I won't be insulting anyone, and half of the things I write probably won't make sense. I want to make it artistic I suppose. Take my words with a fast food restaurant's worth of salt and enjoy.
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